Hey everyone Sam here also known as MrStainless, this week I’ve been playing some Far Cry 5, it’s a game I’ve been really excited to play now for quite some time and it hasn’t disappointed in most areas, its a beautiful game, the acting is amazing, there’s a lot the team have changed and improved and it shows, its a lot of fun. But I’ll be honest with you guys, I’m triggered. As I started playing through the game I started to realise more and more that Far Cry 5 is one of the biggest pieces of propaganda we’ve seen in video games in a long time.
You may not know this but in Far Cry 5 you can actually customise your characters appearance. At the outset of the game you choose whether your character is male or female and then you proceed to play through the introduction of the story. We fly in to the headquarters of Project Edens Gate with a warrant for Fathers arrest, it’s tense, the acting is superb, the mood is perfectly set, we walk past numerous members of Project Edens Gate, armed to the teeth, all of them….bearded. He’s got a beard. He’s got a beard. Your man over there’s got a beard. They’ve all got a beard. Interesting, I thought. It’s good to see beards being represented in video games. I progress further through the introduction and get to a section where you get to fully customise your appearance. I navigated through, picked out my clothes, there isn’t a lot at the outset, once you complete the intro you’ll have access to a lot more but then I saw the hair section.
Perfect, I thought. Well you know what? It’s not perfect. Do you want to know why? There were no feckin’ beards! Here I am, walking through Project Edens Gate, admiring the beautiful beards on display thinking, ‘my, what wonderful beards are on display here.’ I mean I kind of got a semi when I saw the feckin’ moustache of the sheriff in the helicopter, so I was kind of looking forward to giving my own character a glorious beard…but no. No, I couldn’t. So I started thinking in to this. Why?! Why couldn’t I have a beard? Dan Hay, the Creative Director on the game has a beard, it stylish, it’s not necessarily the biggest beard I’ve seen y’know? But a beards a beard! Then I started to look deeper into who the majority of the people are who have beards in the game and you know who they are? Project Edens Gate.
Fanatical crazies. Criminals! This game is pushing a beardist agenda down our throats. They are trying to say, ‘hey, if you have a beard…you’re a cultist. Beards are a cult.’ They are subliminally encouraging us all to shave, and I think it’s disgusting. But it doesn’t stop there, this conspiracy goes much deeper than just Far Cry 5. As this revelation was coming to me I started to think through it all…Far Cry 5….Shaving…Ubisoft….the Ubisoft logo. The Ubisoft logo is a feckin’ dollop of shaving foam! They aren’t even trying to hide it any more, I mean I don’t know why it took me so long to realise this, when you really think about it Yves Guillemot, the cofounder and CEO of Ubisoft…he’s completely clean shaven…never had a beard in his life. I mean just look at this photo of the guys jaw-line, it’s so smooth you could just fall right off it. And Ubisoft have been peddling their anti-beardist views for years and we didn’t even realise it. When Assassins Creed Unity was released, guess who they partnered up with to promote the game…Gillette! They gave away in-game items if you shaved off the beard that God gave you.
Think that was just an isolated incident? Wrong! For Assassins Creed Syndicate they teamed up with Wilkinsons Sword! In fact they’ve been doing this for nearly every Assassins Creed game they’ve released. Wake up people! Now I don’t know about you but I won’t stand for this, I think any game that lets you have a mullet but not a beard…it’s just wrong. That’s why I need your help, today I’m starting the #NoBeardNoGood campaign for Far Cry 5 to fight for the right for our player character to have a beard in-game.
It’s time we were represented fairly..we’re not cultists…we’re not all criminals. So please, I urge you, if you think it’s time to change the way beards are represented in Far Cry 5 please tweet at the Far Cry 5 twitter with this message: I stand beside my fellow beardsmen, bring the beard to Far Cry 5 #NoBeardNoGood. Tweet at Yves Guillemot. Tell your local news. Tell Kotaku and Polygon, they seem to like these kinds of things.
Tell everyone! Its time to stand up for the beard. Ladies and Gentlemen, if you want to be kept up to date with the #NoBeardNoGood campaign do feel free to hit that subscribe button down below, lets make this happen. But until next time have a great week and I’ll speak to you all soon..
As found on Youtube