Fallout 4 has lots of lore mysteries, but the biggest one of them all is, how come all the elevators work? You’d expect at least one of them to fail. The game begins with a backstory cinematic. Been there, done that. Then we get to make our character, Fallout 4 is the first game in the series where you can create a good-looking character But I don’t like change, so meet Billy Goose. ..So this is how life was before the war. This Vault-Tec guy shows up and tells us to sign up for a Vault. Because the bombs are about to drop… Sir, don’t spoil the story! Time to pick stats. I base them on myself Now we are safe if anything happens, truly – everything is perfect… ..A bit TOO perfect… Why aren’t there any pictures of us anywhere? Where IS everybody? What the hell is going on here?! Phew, thank God.

The world is ending. So we run to the Vault-Tec platform, and a nuke goes off! Because we stared directly at the blast, our retinas got burned and we are permanently blind. Welcome to Vault 111. A laboratory where they are supposed to freeze us for 180 days. Insomnia? Try freezing yourself. We promise several good nights sleep. If you wake up and the sun is dying – no refunds. We wake up and this scientist is stealing Baby Shaun. And they kill the wife. Our hero could get up and save them, but he needs just, five more minutes. Ah, that’s better… Might have overslept… And our son has been kidnapped! Ah, what can you do… When we leave the Vault, the first thing we see is our house robot, that tells us we’ve been asleep for 200 years. Game of Thrones ended, turns out noone died. It was just very intense role players. We tell him about Shaun, and he tells us to go to Concord, because people were shooting at him there… Have you been holding a grudge for 200 years? Oh God, I just remembered this is guy who is supposed to rescue his son…

Don’t want to judge people based on their looks, but I don’t think he would survive drying his own hair.. Let alone a post-apocalyptic wasteland. Maybe the huge variations of weapons might hel– IS THAT A REVOLVER?! That’s like the coolest fucking weapon! Hmm, picking it up gave me XP. That’s… [Pokémon Evolving Tune] What? Billy Goose is evolving? Congratulations! Your Billy evolved into Jeremiah Helldeathrider – And they took his son! So, we are off to Concord. While on the way, we meet a German Shepherd, who you will protect with your life, until you realize he’s immortal. In Concord there is this museum where ten faceless NPC’s are facing off against a main character. We reach the top and meet Preston Gravy. A minuteman. Who are the Minutemen? You see, in the Fallout universe, the United States was once owned by England, instead of being around for as long as I can remember. Then one day, these Minutemen – 17 people armed with muskets defeated the biggest empire that has ever existed.

Good writing, guys! They are surrounded by raiders. Not a problem – everyone is immortal. But they are also lazy, so grab some power armor, kill a Deathclaw, and then a Mega Deathclaw appears. The U.N decides that to fight monsters we have to build monsters. But after he’s dead, Preston asks us if WE want to be minutemen. And of course our answer is.. Fuck off! Side quests in Fallout 4 are BAD. In New Vegas it was like.. we have a problem, fortunately there are lots of solutions, or you can pickpocket me. But here it’s like: food is magically disappearing, and my sister is having nightmares about our dead father, can you go kill some raiders? This lady says drugs told her I should go to Diamond City. I’m going to trust her – not like drugs have ever hurt anyone. On your way to Diamond City, you come across these guys needing help fighting some Zombies.

But they are Brotherhood of Steel, so no thanks! Probably didn’t even need my help, they just wanted my revolver. That’s why they are called Brotherhood of Steel. They steal stuff. Welcome to Diamond City – a city with 52 citizens. Then it’s not a city, it’s a village. Civilization getting destroyed by nukes doesn’t mean you can ignore proper naming. First we visit the local journalist. Piper tells us about something called The Institute. They kidnap people and create synths that looks exactly like them. Why.. synths? It’s the future, they should have keytars. Oh, it stands for synthetic human! If only there was a word for that! Synths, Diamond City, I’m starting to think dictionaries are extinct. The only person that can help us is apparently Detective Valentine. But he’s been kidnapped by a mobster. Time for a rescue mission. To the Vault! You look..uh.. different. I expected you to be more.. uh.. ..human-er. By the way, this speech wheel destroys immersion so much.

[Jeremiah]: You wanna try for round 2? [Kilian]: Sarcasm. But nothing is more immersion breaking than– Who.. who holds a revolver with two hands? [Female holding apple]: Kilian, in the military it is better to hold a revolver like that beca– [Kilian]: No! If you hold it like that, you have no self-respect! On our way out, we meet the mob boss. Nick, they are pointing guns at us. Why are you having a friendly conversation? You know what? Whatever. If you gonna shoot, shoot. Valentine tells us that the description of our wife’s killer fits a mercenary named Kelloggs All-Bran™ So we search his apartment without a warrant, and find some cigars. The lads decide that the dog they just met can sniff the cigars and track Kellogg. That has got to be the stupidest idea I have ever– And it worked.

[taunting] Kellogg? Come out to pla-ay! Okay, so I am about to meet my wife’s killer. He might have important information, so I can’t just shoot him in the face. [Kellogg’s]: Pal, I’m just a puppet like you, the stage is a little bigger. [unintelligible] Well that could have gone better… When we step outside, the rest of those Brotherhood of Douchebags show up. NICE SHIP GUYS! COMPENSATING FOR SOMETHING? Turns out Kellogg was working for.. The Institute! But how do we find them? The gang decides to dig out Kelloggs’s brain… How did this conversation get to this point? In Goodneighbor there is a place where you can relive your memories.

People use it for.. heh.. you know… Let’s just say the remote was behind the couch. Time to watch Kellogg’s memory! Huh. After deciphering the memories, we understand that an Institute scientist is hiding in the Glowing Sea. They tell you to get some power armor, but we have an ancient saying here in Scandinavia: there is no such thing as deadly radiation. Just thin clothing. The scientist is supposed to be in this cave– Oh fuck! A supermutant! Oh, that’s the scientist. Oh well, lucky me, Bethesda doesn’t give a fuck about immersion. To teleport into the institute, we need a chip from an Institute Terminator. To find one, follow this radio signal that gets– Haha… No. There he is. A robot built to be the perfect killer. Wait a minute, he’s a robot, all I have to do is ask him an impossible question and he will explode. Hey, how do I cook the perfect amount of spaghetti? [Robot]: What is spaghetti? I noticed that you were following me.

[Robot]: I know what this human behavior means. [Kilian]: Oh. Well, I’m sorry that it had to come to this. [Robot]: My answer is yes. I will become.. Mrs. Hell-Deathrider [Kilian]: Wha- What? [Narrator]: And so, the hero married. [Kilian]: I was hoping the marriage was going to give me a green card into the Institute, but apparently the process would take months. But I did get a chip. But the only people who can decrypt it is an underground group named the Railroad. And to find them I have to walk the Freedom trail. Walk. So I can’t jog, or.. run? This is going to take forever, but walking here made me appreciate the city, and it made me think: Where the hell are we? My theory is that– no… My THEORIZING! [Official Game Theorizing® theme] Hi, interwebs. Welcome to Game Theorizing. And you are never, ever going to believe me. But Boston is a real place. Obviously, it’s not called Boston, it’s not a real word. It’s actually called Los Angeles. Notice how they both have coasts. And they both have buildings. The reason for the name switch is unclear. But it’s possible that the name Los Angeles is Spanish, and Bethesda were worried that it might confuse English-speakers.

One last thing, if you translate Los Angeles, you get… Fallout 4. But hey, that’s just a theorizing. A Game Theorizing®! The password to enter the Railroad is “Railroad”. Like, what? The word “password” too complex for you? This is the Railroad, they care about synths rights. It’s like: “Please don’t be mean to my kitchen appliance!” Fuck you! They took my son! These guys are.. complete losers, I can’t be seen with them, I have a revolver! Because of that waste of time, we now have a machine that can teleport us into the Institute.

There he is… The man that kidnapped Shaun! [Shaun]: “It’s me. I am Shaun.” [Kilian]: It’s.. it’s.. It’s really you. I can– I can’t believe it.. I– Oh, wait, I don’t! This place, that creates robots, clearly created a robot that looks exactly like me except old. Eat lead, you motherfucking toaster! Woah-oh. I don’t actually feel bad about killing him. No Hell-Deathrider becomes a scientist. We sell carpets. Now it’s time to pick faction. If you don’t kill your own son, you can join the obvious choice. Then your missions will be to kill the other factions. First the Minutemen. Hey Preston, a settlement needs YOUR help! In hell! And then the Railroad… Hello, I am your new IT technician, I need to put down these bags of HTML so you don’t get hacked. Can’t get hacked, if you’re dead. Then finally, the Brotherhood of Steel. Ahh, it’s beautiful. Just like in my dreams. Eventually, Shaun dies, and you become head baddie. Can’t join them, though. But I can join the Brotherhood of Steel. There’s still a lot of technology, so obviously they have a lot of cool weapons.

But I doubt that they have anything that’s going to beat a revolver. Unless they have some sort of a chainsaw-machete. Goddamnit. Calm down, Kilian, it’s just a job interview. You are the worst thing about Fallout, I am going to blow up this ship! If you do join them, you are going to have to spend a lot of time with your mentor, Paladin Dense. But there is a plot twist, because you spend all this time hunting Synths, right? But then it turns out your mentor, and you are the same person! I guess I can join the Railroad. No.. I feel like these guys only serve vegetarian food, and that’s a dealbreaker. But if you join them, uh.. Noone knows what happens. So far, not a single person has joined the Railroad. That leaves me with– No! No! No! So I went out into the Commonwealth. And I searched, and I searched… Days turned into weeks… Weeks into months… and months into years. But, finally… I found a real fucking faction. It took the Enclave four hours to take over Boston. But it didn’t matter, because the ending was still terrible.

And that is the Kilian Experience™ Like, subscribe, thanks for 100,000 subscribers. If you wanna ask a question, do it in my subreddit Q&A thread..

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