Mick Jagras:

  • This big bellied bub is the iguana in the 6 tiered fuck around forest. He is the Kobayashi of Monster Hunter, and much like Kobayashi his chance of survival drastically decreases when he is set on fire. This boy gets around, so you’ll have to deal with his offspring but they’re even bigger punk asses than he is. Just chop his head, chest and claw. Micky is light work, even I took him first try.

Rock Raptor:

  • Now this guy is a real homie, all he wants to do is steal eggs from a far shittier monster but apparently he too must die because some little freckled girl has alot of hate in her heart. He’s weak to water, so his choice to live in a rainforest is questionable. Now rock raptor will pick up rocks and just stand there passively, but we need tails. So shoot that thing with your stinger or if you’re feeling sassy pull it out of his hands with a net. Rock Raptor is light work but killing him leaves you feeling empty, which is the real challenge of this hunt.


  • Okay, Angie is something my 4 year old nephew thought up after watching Jurassic Park. He’s a tyrannosaurus rex, with wings, that breathes fire and when you think you got him on the ropes he freaks the fuck out and gets another nose that makes him kill you in one shot. This guy is alot like the aliens in that nonsensical 2002 movie Signs, he is weak to water and pretty much his entire body is a weak point, so channel your inner Joaquin Phoenix and swing away.


  • Stock up on antidotes because this guy is like me after a $20 taco bell night he’s gonna be firing from both ends. Don’t stand behind him or you’ll be poisoned, don’t stand infront of him because you’ll be poisoned. Unfortunately his tail and head are his weakpoints so, just accept you will be poisoned at least 6 times during this fight. Like most animals he does not enjoy being electricuted, so hack away at that head and tail or if you’re running glaive flip around and miss him for 50 minutes until he leaves the area.

Kunta Kinte:

  • Tobi is his slave name, and I would prefer if you’d stop using it. That reference im sure is lost on the 15 year olds patrolling this sub during social studies class, but it’s 2018 and we have to be considerate. If you’re not a weeb, AKA someone not using glaive or dual blade you’ll never hit this guy so just move on. I left sword and shield out because I’m almost certain all 8 of you aren’t reading this garbage. Moving on, Kunta Kinte hates getting wet and being poisoned, so get your rat pellets out. His head and tail are weak and also his spine, but good luck ever mounting this sucker because hes going to be jumping all hibbity bibbity from tree to tree.


  • This guy doesn’t get a nickname because hes a bitch. He will fly around for 30 minutes land for 30 seconds and then go back to flying. Bring your flash bombs and your glowing moss to try and hit him out of the sky, if you are anything like me you will miss and just have to wait. So I’d suggest just not wasting the supplies. He is a dragon who is weak to.. dragon so if you have a spare dragon weapon laying around just use that, but if you’re a noob you don’t even know what that means. His head is his weak point but he like to fly straight up and shoot screen filling fireballs when you go for the headshot, so I suggest just swinging aimlessly.

The Bagel Goose:

  • This guy will fly in real hot like a Boeing 767 heading off to make history. He is a one shotting death machine sent from the future to ensure you never kill another Jagras. Someone please help me.


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