Alright Monster Mashers, I’ve been grouping with a few of you idiots and you’ve been wasting my vouchers. So quit fucking coughing in the mic and listen up, Professor Lolrog is here and class is in session.

Great Gyros:

  • This fight can be extremely obnoxious if you don’t address the elements surrounding him, and I’m talkin’ “DURR IM A HAMMER BRO” obnoxious, but luckily if you do address them it can be just as idiot friendly as being a hammer bro. You could have a group made up of 4 dual blade users and even they will knock a scale off him assuming conditions are perfect and they have learned how traps, bomb, and health potions work at this point in the game. The only real obstacles here is the poison clouds surrounding the area, but that can easily be remedied with a slinger torch shot at the floor. His army of not-so-great Gyros can be a nuisance if they get paralysis on you, but that only happens if you wait around in one spot as they circle you. He’s weak to water, but even nearing the end of the story I’m certain half of you have no idea what element is on your weapon.

Rolie Polie Olie:

  • Now this guy is a bad ass, he’s like a bony Sonic the Hedgehog but he without all the disappointment and perverted fanfic. Now this guy is pretty straight forward, hit him in his head or legs to break the bones off and expose the weak points. He doesn’t move around too much, but when he does move he will roll up in a ball and barrel towards you, going back and forth across the room. Just always assume that when you think he is done rolling and you can attack, he’s most certainly going to roll at you one more time. When you knock this sucker down he you will be able to mine him for bones, I suggest all glaive users switch to their pickaxe as it likely will give you more sustainable damage than what you are currently providing to the team. He’s weakest to dragon and ice, but you shouldn’t need the bonus damage if you’re even halfway competent.

Clifford:

  • Even if you hit like a truck at this point in this game, much unlike my own dog he will be able to avoid getting demolished by truck-like damage. He is arguably the most sporadic and maneuverable monster you’re going to face in this game, so you’re going to want to take advantage of the environment to put away this sucker. As he defies the laws of gravity by hurling his giant frame across the map and off the walls, you’re going to want to keep physicist Stephen Hawking in mind, so use the nearby Gyros send him into a state of constant paralysis giving you ample time to attack. His claws cause bleeding damage which can be negated by eating Astera Jerky or crouching still for several seconds, so your ghillie mantle works wonders. Without it Clifford will be all over you like white on rice as you wait there Slav squatting. He’s weak to lightning and ice, but he’s even weaker to shooting an SOS flare and having 3 Japanese guys show up while you farm bonepiles.


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