Ladies and gentlemen, the time has come. We are going to battle each other in an attempt to find out who the true Pokémon master is. The rules were simple. I played Pokémon Moon, Timon played Pokémon Sun. *RULES* We each played for 7 hours to prepare. and we tried to gather only our favourite Pokémon for our team. Now that we’ve done this, we are going to challenge each other.

*CONSEQUENCES* The loser must give up one of their favourite Pokémon, chosen by the winner. Is that clear? – Yes it is. Here we go, Peter! Let’s go baby! Good luck… I’m so eager! – Yeah me too! Because I devoted so much time to this, Yeah, I invested 7 hours into it! Here we go, who is going first? How should I know? It all depends on if your Pokémon is fast or not. This is my first one, here he comes… A turtle! One of the turtle guys! *Go! Seagull!* Here he is, original cutie-pie, I didn’t let him evolve. – Yeah he is pretty cute! Peter, did you realise what you just said? – Well? Well, I’m gonna have a great start! – What’s the problem then? – That’s a grass Pokémon, baby! But you’re a just a turtle… – One of the turtles, baby! Do you even know about counters? If you have a grass-type, you idiot. Okay, I get to start, I’ve done my move. Here he goes… Peck! Oh yeah, by the way I have no clue how to play. It’s probably helpful to say. Flame Wheel! – What?! Slam! Oh! He is almost dead! You just knew it! It said “Super Effective”! Here we go Torkoal…

Timon, can I ask you something? – Go on… Do you remember what happened when we played FIFA? – Yeah… I had to get rid of one of my Pokémon… – Yeah… Come back, No, this seriously pathetic… Go Gyarados! You’ve returned! What!? How did you get a Gyarados!? How did you get one in only 7 hours!? Seriously! Go baby, go! I knew it! This is bullshit! I learned from Ash; “It comes from the bond, not the power.” He came back to me! Seriously, how did you get one! I played the game better than you, Timon.

Damn it! Now I’m gonna lose… Gyarados is super strong, this is bullshit! Man oh man, this is seriously unbelievable. Come back, What are you doing? Don’t be pathetic! You’re pathetic! Kadabra… Alright, this one, check it out. Boom. Yeah, but I will never beat Gyarados with my weak-ass team. Oh? “Weak-ass” What the was that? “Weak-ass water worm!” PSY-BEAM!!! Is that super-effective? You know this game don’t you? No, it’s not that strong… But is this strong!? A lil’ bite! BOOM! DOWN! Yeah, god damn it, I can’t possibly beat you… Oh now you’re feeling salty, hey? Of course I feel salty! Gyarados isn’t even a cool Pokémon! He isn’t just some cool Pokémon! I have a special bond with Gyarados! This is such bullshit. Oh, so now it’s bullshit? Yes it is! Because you weren’t supposed to get super crazy Pokémon! We were supposed to make a dream team, and you chose a freaking Gyarados.

I must say, he is pretty good, Timon. Yeah, I’ve got Parasect, I only chose cool Pokémon, and you were like “Oh boy, I’m gonna make a dream team, and choose Gyarados!” Who’s one of the strongest! I think he’s pretty cool “Yeah, super cool, hey, super cool!” Which move should I use? Maybe this ‘Super Fang’. And I will never be able to beat Gyarados! He’s the strongest in the whole game! Is it a one-hit? Oh…

Also super-effective The hell is this? What is this!? Now the girl is joining in! I thought this was a Pokémon battle! Don’t you have this? “Z-Move”? Don’t you have any Z-Moves selected? This is the whole new thing from the game. “Z-Moves” Is it a super-? A super move. Look at him go! Here he goes! Slam! I could’ve seen that coming… Haha, how long was it going for?! I’d usually always win, if it weren’t for that Gyarados.

Ice fang… No, this is unfair, I don’t like this. Ice fang… This is bullshit, man! Here we go, boop! What the hell man! You’ve got a Gyarados! Super Effective! I told you to make a dream team! That’s what you call a dream team? Timon, just go watch the FIFA video. You’ll see the bond I had with him. I don’t care about your bond, it was supposed to be a dream team! I also have a bond with my mother! Just shut up and play! Bullshit. Seriously bullshit. If your mother came in would you put her in- No! She’s not in my dream team! Well what do I do now? You better hope that she doesn’t see this video. Otherwise she’ll bring it up. I suppose you also have a grass-type move with your special Gyarados. I wonder what happens when I press this… This… super move! Oh shit, man! Oh, he’s almost down. Oh, I DO have a Z-Move! This is complete bullshit… I don’t even need any other Pokémon, Timon Only because YOU CHOSE ALL THE OVERPOWERED POKEMON! What can I do then? Super Saiyan! Yeah, “breakneck”, well my Pokémon doesn’t even have a neck, he’s a Poliwhirl! Go grab that neck! One-hit KO! Timon! Seriously? Fainted? Yep.

That is seriously – What’s your favourite Pokémon? I get to take him afterwards. Oh, shut up! I won’t tell you anything. “Gyarados” Shut up, man. Nice to see you brought your little bird into this fight. In this big serious battle. Yeah, he wants to join in. This guy was real cute in the first evolution. Yeah, I had him in my team aswell. Boom. Please go down… YES! YES! I could just make a comeback! Is it with or without items? – Without items.

Otherwise it would be really annoying. I don’t even think you can have items. Hmm, what should I pick? Any suggestions? No, I’m not gonna help you. Check out this guy! Watch out! Yeah, probably another Gyarados… That would be nice if I had a whole team of Gyarados. You’ve seen my team now, have a look. A lil’ salamander, he’s pretty cute, however, I’ve seen his evolution, and it looks like shit. That’s why I didn’t choose him. I don’t think I’ve seen the evolutions yet… Except for that “seagull” of mine. That’s why I didn’t… That’s not it’s attack is it? How the hell should I know? It says “effective” so I pressed it. “Poisioned” That is pretty annoying. I should probably recall him. Here I go, hopefully it’s good. Are you ever gonna try and play tactically? Let’s see if it’s super effective against you, Watch, boom, Dragon Rage! Look at this bullshit! Come on, you stupid bird! He’s one of my strongest Pokémon…

I’m not sure if this is a good move… “Flail” Yeah, do the Flail it seems good. Oh, he’s REALLY good! WOAH! He is so close! Please survive… Ooohhh He’s poisoned. Will he survive? WILL HE SURVIVE?! Just one more – oh… God damn it, man! It’s all over. I only have… two Pokémon left. I’ve got about 4 left, I’m pretty sure. 5? It’s all over. You’ve still got 4. I liked it better when I was winning… Only untill you brought out a Gyarados! Do you think this salamander should be in my dream team? A salamander is better than a Gyarados! If you were to compare them, the salamander would be way better! And you know just as well! See, you’re even sitting their with a smirk on your face! Have you ever heard someone say “Gee, Gyarados is one of my favourite Pokémon!” It is like, the most boring – Back when I played Pokémon Red, I had a magikarp! And I liked watching him evolve! There aren’t that many great Pokémon in this game! Oh, shut up, man! Can I catch a Krabby? No I can’t! Can I catch Ponyta? No I can’t! Ponyt- oh, shut up…

Gyarados… There are plenty of other- A Rattata is even better than a Gyarados! No way, Shut up, man! Just to clarify, when we say “better than” what we mean is that the Pokémon looks cooler. (Dutch slang – meaning ‘good looking’) Gyarados tries to look cool, But he just isn’t! Uh… I’ll try this move, Just to be tactical. I hope that this will be super strong, I haven’t done any moves… I think it just disables your move, Yeah, Flame Wheel, That’s my strongest attack… Yeah, that’s what I thought, so I’m in luck! So this sucks. I’ll try this attack…

Did it do anything? Did you know that Uri Geller got upset with this Pokémon? Uri Geller got so emotional over it Come on… Did I do anything with this Kenisis? – Yeah… What did it do then? Look at the damage, man, Look how much it took off, No, that was like that before! I’ll try it again… You go first… I hope that Ember is strong…

It is pretty strong… No, not really, The other was stronger… Ohhh, What have I done? It did absolutely nothing! You were trying to think what it did the whole time, Even though nothing happened! I was just trying to prove myself! And you even asked me as well! All I said was “It did some damage”! I’ve got bad news for you… I’ve only got… grass-types left…. So I hope that that’s your last fire-type… If I use Teleport, will it run away? No, it won’t work. You can’t use Teleport. This is really annoying, ‘Cause now I can’t do anything! Well, you gotta do something! You can recall him if my attack doesn’t take it down. I guess I’ll do disable, “But it failed” Oh, man! Come on, we can still win! You thought you could beat me with your Gyarados, baby! Here we go! ah man, I’ve only got grass-types left… Yeah, use a grass-type I’ve got no choice How many do you have left? Two.

What about you? Three. Haha, and this one is down. oh man… yes… I’m gonna trash you! Boom! Come on! I’m probably gonna mess up, and there will be an outrage in the comments. Astonish? Watch the animation… Boom! It did absolutely nothing! Super strong! SLAM! The seagull is down! The seagull is down! Here we go! This feels great! If you really only have 2 grass Pokémon left than I will trash you! Come on! I have 2 grass Pokémon… Really? Then it’s all over! and I’ve used up my Z-Move… Yep. You know it! What are you gonna do now, Peter? Just sit here and sulk. The on thing left you can do is sulk with your Bellsprout. He’s pretty good, isn’t he? Aren’t you gonna tease me? Let’s be honest, Bellsprout is the shit. But now he’s dead. I hope I get to go first… Oh, I get to go first, with my Quick Claw, baby! One-hit, one- oohh Come on, this HAS to work! Sleep Powder! Come on! No, he fell asleep… Okay, hopefully for a while… Hopefully 1 turn… Oh, you’re still doing damage! Can I use a potion? – No, it’s without items, without items, you dirty rat! uh, maybe Poison, should I try Poison? – Yeah, go ahead, pfft.

Yeah, ’cause then your health goes down each turn… Yeah, go ahead, poison me Peter, do it! Aren’t you just gonna switch out? No, you must poison me, I asked you to! Poison me then, go on! – Fine. Do it! – I am! It’s not that good. – Yes it is! No it failed. Why the hell did it fail? It’s a whole move! He can only do 4 things in his life, and it fails! OOOHHH He’s going down next turn! I’ll try acid… Come on… What does it do? Is it strong? I’m not sure if it’s strong, but atleast it does damage.

How long will he sleep for? Shit, shit shit. How much do you have now? You need to stay asleep, otherwise it’s all over for me! I’ve still got one! I’ve been sleeping for like 3 turns now, I doubt that it’ll sleep for much longer… woah… Uh, that was a gag… Choking on your spit, huh? Which one is this? a Parasect. Yeah Peter, you’re going down! Super effective! Say goodbye to your little buddies. I know, only because I used to have a Parasect and he was just as weak. I try this one Tip from the chat.

Spore, what is that? I thought he’d sleep for longer! ONE-HIT! ONE-HIT! IT’S ALL OVER! Here we go! I felt like I was totally gonna dominate you! No way, only until my turtle came! Easy win! Total bullshit… I didn’t even need to use my last Pokémon. Which was? – a Cubone. He isn’t nice at all! I didn’t even need him, huh Peter, with your Gyarados, you dirty rat! Okay, so you get to choose one of mine right? Yep I’ve got a nice lil’ owl for ya, – No, I don’t need it. Or a lil’ crab? Oh, no I already have one. What about a lil’ plant? or a brand new Pokémon? No, no, no, What’s that fish, over there? No, the fish… Which one is that? He is no fish, The little mackeral… No the blue one No, the other one. Let’s see here… The blue, the blue one…

Oh! This one Yeah, this one Timon, seriously, you complained the whole time of how bad he was, You know what, let’s do this one, okay? No! Because you complained the whole time, and now your taking him! I don’t even need him… All I want to do is take him from you, that’s why To teach you a lesson. To teach you to play fairly. Come on Peter, give him up! It makes no sense, you sat complaining, and now you want him to replace your team. Peter, these are the rules. The coach of your team. Peter, these are the rules, give me your lil’ mackeral. It makes no sense. Here we go. This feels really good, Peter.

This sucks, this is the second time that I had to give my Gyarados up! This feels so good, and for the seal, there is no better. You better watch what I do with your Gyarados, Peter. Maybe put him in my team… This is my box. If you’re doing what I think you’re doing then your a real asshole! Release the beast! You’re such an asshole. Bye bye, Gyarados, bye. Here we go, and he’s gone, and he didn’t even know. Choke on your spit, Timon SHIRTS NOW AVAILABLE AT http://www.lekkerspelen.shop.

As found on Youtube



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