-US *Lively music throughout most of the video* *Music gets slightly more upbeat* Well, hey there! And welcome back, To the pleasures of cooking! I’m your host, Link! Today on the program, we’re going to be learning how to make this. That’s right, this. But, before we bite into that, why don’t we preheat our lives a little bit, and cook some warm-up dishes? That way, our pots will be good and buttered for our main course. Now, if this is your first time cooking with us, I’d like to invite you to go ahead take out your soup ladles and cook pots.

And cook along with us, won’t you? Thank you. If you don’t have a soup ladle of your own, just go borrow one from a neighbor. I’ve never had any issue with anyone ever. Really, old woman? Right now? Now, I think let’s have our first warm-up dish be some Hylian blueberry waffles. Let’s go ahead and pre-heat our pot to 15,000 degrees C, or 27,000 degrees F. Whichever one is easier. Now, let’s go ahead and pop up that inventory screen and start the ritual. What you’re going to need to start blueberry waffles with is some wheat. Now, If you’re like me, your inventory screen is pretty full. So, just go ahead and take the first thing that looks like wheat that you can fi- Oh, I ate that…

I like to think of cooking as an art. It’s not. But, I like to think of it as one. And now we’re going to add a little Chu-Chu jelly and pretend that they’re blueberries. I know that they’re not, but, I lie to myself sometimes. And that’s okay. It’s okay to lie to yourself. Unless you’re 27 and you think, because you can’t remember your age because you live every day in the moment, and you’re trying to capitalize in a new video game release to make your failed cooking show popular. And bam! Just like that, we’ve got plenty of delicious Hylian waffles.

I love them. I like to put a little bit of syrup on em’ before I eat them naked. Now, for our next dish, we’re going a Chu-Chu marinated Cucoo. First, you’re going to need to go ahead and obtain your Cucoo. After that, you’re going to need to run away from all the Cucoos. They don’t like when one of them out of society is abducted. I can’t imagine why. Once you’ve got your Cucoo, go ahead and put some Chu-Chu jelly in the pot, and marinate the Cucoo for 14 to 15 weeks. We’ll check back on this, later. I hope you guys are ready to keep cooking! You better be… For this next dish, I like to start with some Mighty Bananas. They make me feel mighty, even though I’m not a banana. *Gentle laughter* That’s got some humor. Seriously though, my skin does peel off sometimes. Often times when I’m cooking, I like to cook with live lizards, or butterflies. They help me realize that I have a firm grasp on my life, while these creatures don’t. A lot of people ask, “Link! Why the orange apron?” Well, other than it’s my favorite color, it also hides most of your basic stains.

You’ve got your mustards, your jams, your jellies, blood, and your carrot juice! It’s so hard to get carrot juice out of stuff. No-one really knows that… I actually quite like making entire meals just out of mushrooms. If you’re lucky enough to get the right mushrooms, It can lead to crazy and wonderful adventures that all take place passed out in your living room.

Now, If you’re interested in a little dessert, you can go ahead and cook up some fairies. After you’ve collected 3 or 5, go ahead and throw em’ in. You should be able to make a nice, sweet dessert. *Fairies screaming* Remember, if you can hear your own thoughts while the fairies are screaming, you don’t have the temperature high enough. When cooking with vegetables, It’s important to find the ones that look the most like hearts. Those always taste the best. And the best part is, If an occasional real heart slips in, no one will be the wiser. Yup, still marinating. Now that we have our pots all bloodied up, let’s go ahead and move on to our main dish. This. I’ve got good news for all those people out there who don’t like to eat meat! It’s fish! Which isn’t meat for some reason! Now I know what you’re thinking. “Link! Shouldn’t we be getting the freshest fish for our entree?” You’re absolutely right. Now, as you can see, the fish you find in Hyrule field may appear lively, but that’s just a rooze.

Very soon, they’ll be dead. And won’t be suitable for cooking. Sometimes, I feel like a fish, helplessly flopping on the ground. And then I realize I’ve taken too much of my pain medication, and that I need to stop… Now, If you’re looking for the freshest fish for your entree, you’re gonna want to head to Zora’s Domain. That’s the only place you’re going to be able to find human-shaped fish. As you explore the domain, be sure not to give any signs that you might be trying to eat anyone. Some fish may look strange, but I assure you, they are all edible. It’s best to pick out a large, healthy fish. I, myself, have picked out this big boy, right here. Once you’ve picked out your fish, let’s open up our inventory menu once more, to find the ingredients that we’re gonna need to cook him. I, myself, like Hearty Durian. That’ll give him a nice, spiky flavor. After you’ve picked out all your seasonings, let’s go ahead and start to cook! You’re gonna need to set the ignition system, of bombs.

*Explosion* Now that your bombs are placed, you’re going to want to sneak up on your fish, and blast it in the flamer. Surprise tastes good in a fish. Fear however, does not. To do this, I recommend parachuting in from the sky. Then using whatever extra explosives you have on hand. After your fish has been seasoned and obluriated, pick up the remaining pieces, and head back to your kitchen. Now that you’re back in your home and kitchen, choose whatever ingredients you think will glue the pieces of your fish back together. And go ahead and toss them in the pot. And, bam! Just like that, we’ve made this. And now that’s all the time we have today, folks. I want to thank you for allowing me into your kitchen, whether you wanted me there or not. And I would like to apologize for any fires that were started to your home, or your family.

Thank you. And as always, I’m Link, and this has been The Pleasures Of Cooking. Goodbye. *Calming music* *Electronic outro music* Yup, still marinating..

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