Hello friends, this is Otzdarva and today… Hey kids! It’s your uncle. BIG DICK BAZUSO! Are you tired of dominating everybody with the same old meta weapon techniques? Don’t worry, you little pro, you! My buddy Otzdarva is here… …with 5 stellar techniques… …to get your palms sweaty… …and make your enemies vomit their mom’s spaghetti! #1 “The Rolling Pin” Some people believe that the Greatlance is a terrible weapon. With the Rolling Pin, you can prove them wrong by changing its moveset and smashing them against the ground with it. To perform it, you’re gonna have to attack with the best weapon in the game, the Wooden Greathammer, and after you’re done, quickly switch to the Greatlance and then press R1 at the right time, during the recovery frames. You can keep doing this for as long as necessary until your opponent is dead. It works every time, 20% of the time. #2 “The Bomb Master Bait” The Bomb Master Bait is, without a doubt, my finest creation.

If you land this move, your opponent is guaranteed to uninstall their game and snap their disk in two. To perform this state-of-the-art technique, land a parry on your opponent, quickly open the menu and equip the Rope Black Firebombs. Please note that you will have to sort out your inventory beforehand so that they appear up top. When you’ve equipped them, turn around, exit the menu and drop that shit on them. #3 “The Blade of Mercy” The Blade of Mercy is an amazing technique where you will bait your opponent by using a useless miracle… so that you can hit them with an even more useless miracle. To perform it, you’re gonna have to distract your opponent with any useless miracle… basically, any miracle, really, and then cast the Lifehunt Scythe when they’re not expecting it. If you perform this technique with the talisman’s weapon art, you might be able to poise through a few hits to finally land a hit. And hey, if you miss, don’t worry, that’s perfectly normal. You can just go for a parry right afterwards and then try to hit it…

And when you inevitably miss it again, well, then it’s time to start begging for mercy. Dropping an item to greatly distract your opponent, and then hit them with the Lifehunt Scythe is also a valid technique. #4 “The Pointy End” The Pointy End is a PVP Technique that only those who have mastered the art of spacing can begin to comprehend. This technique will close in to your opponent, hit them and then set up the perfect parry. To perform it, initiate the weapon stance while you’re facing away from your opponent, press R1 to do a backstep and then turn around to stab them in the gut.

After doing that, switch the Rapier to your off-hand…..and the parry should happen almost automatically. Alternatively, you can also try to perform a weapon swap that goes horribly wrong and makes you look like a fucking dumbass… But no worries, that will still earn the respect from your opponent. And since this technique is called the “Pointy End”, don’t forget to point down to your opponent before you end their life. #5 “The Roster Roasty Riposte” The Roster Roasted Riposte is the ultimate form of disrespect. To show that you don’t even care about your opponent, open up the Knight Roster and just check person randomly… When you’re done looking, exit the roster, land a casual parry, set your weapon on fire and go for a hot rip- Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, hold the fucking phone. Did you see that?! Let’s go back. Are you fucking kidding me!? What is wrong with this guy? Look at him! He chose the Rusted Coin as his starting gift. What a fucking idiot. .

As found on Youtube