Basically, Dragoon [FFXIV]

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Dragoon is an awesome job with some really cool looking gear, it got long thrusting spears and – oh hold on one second here – Huh, you thought I was gonna get hit by that, didn’t ya, YOU THO- So to become a dragoon I kind of waited here by that fireplace in the snow for this guy to show up. He just kind of came out of nowhere, and he showed me his really cool spear He glowed a little bit which was kind of strange and then he got really aroused…? and then he kind of just jumped away to his home galaxy And I never saw him again.

You know, people will make fun of dragoons, but I’m not like other dragoons. I pull my weight, I do my job. I know what I’m doing, completely. So dragoons are pretty cool. We fight dragons, we jump on dragons. We WEAR dragons. We touch dragons balls.. You may be wondering “Why are we here in this dragon place?” Well dragoons love dragons, so we’re always going to train here in this dragon land. You got to take out your really long spear because of all the thrusting we’re going to be doing again, thrusting is very important as a dragoon. Now, you see all these abilities here, there’s a LOT of buttons on this bar, and we use almost all of them! Except this one. You know. I just used it, but we don’t use that one. I mean, if you want to look cool you can try and use that one. Okay. So there’s there’s two main rotations, right? We got the Thrust rotation, you see it lights up yellow, that’s the thrust rotation. We’re good, right? We’ve got that one.

This is the Sakura petal rotation, okay? One more button, Sakura pedal rotation. We got the jump that makes us go there and then jump back, very important. We got the jump that makes us jump to it, and then we stay there, then we got the exploding jump, it’s my personal favorite ( ?? ?? ??) And then we’ve got this jump that doesn’t do anything, so we don’t really use that one. Except for style points. I will show you that later, we use it for style.

Next, you have this button which makes your next jump do a lot more damage and unfortunately for me, I used that when I do not have any jumps available so, that sucks. We also have this button which makes the next ability a crit and unfortunately for me, I used it on a low attack But you know, it’s just for show. And aww, I forgot this whole time that we were supposed to be using Heavy Thrust Ready? I’m going to throw this into higher gear for you guys.

We’re going to push this button, and it turns us into Midgardsormr mode okay? And you know what this does? It does a very special thing. It turns your rotation into an RNG rotation Which button do I get to push now? So you do the rotation, whichever one you need, and then you get a new button that’s like, “Oh, which one do I do now?” It’s a very good job for if you want to be a gambler ’cause you’re always trying to figure out which button you got to push next, so it’s very good for that. Push the blood- uh you push the shooty dragon, and we like the shooty dragon.

But… i-it makes the jumps go away. It makes something go away. Now you may also be wondering, “Larry, there are bonuses for if you attack from the flank or behind!” Well, that’s a lot to worry about. Oh yeah, and we got buffs. We got this bloody buff, that makes us take more damage. We DEFINITELY like that. We got this thing. We never use this, especially because it buffs the party. I’m not sure why it’s actually really good, but apparently a lot of dragoons, well we just don’t use that. I’f you’re confused yet – I’m confused yet I’m pretty confused at the moment So… I’m just gonna, just… I’m just going to leave it up to you guys.

Push the buttons in whatever order you want to push them, you know, okay? So that’s trigger. Enjoy. Actually, I completely forgot: how come DRAGOON gets a Midgardsormr aura? You see when there are Blood of the Dragon there, it’s all, like, dragon-y How come they get an aura like that? Why doesn’t summoner get an aura like this? Well you know, wha-what the fuck actually? Another important thing about being the coolest dragoon, is to always find the highest point that you can get to. And you just stand on it Just like this, and this pose exactly with with your really long spear out. And everybody wishes they were as cool as you. You see all the people down there? There’s a chocobo, there’s people sitting down there Well, those are NPCs There’s a bunch of people down there, and they’re all wishing they could be as cool as this dragoon waaaaay up high up here.

We stand on top of here because this is VERY high up. We definitely like this. Look how cool we are. WAAAAYYYY out here. Waaaay up top. HAHAHA Mortals. I’m gonna teach you something about dragoon that will actually save you real life dollars, okay? Everybody knows about the backflip, right? You got – it’s seven dollars and you can backflip. Well, dragoons get that for free! They could always do this. The next one is “play dead”. This is also seven dollars and this is an emote that just lets you be dead. Dragoons could actually do this from the beginning of time. They could always do this. I’m going to show all these goons here how to be a real dragoon. HEY don’t walk by me, what the f- I’m trying to talk. So I’ve learned that my duty as a dragoon is actually to die in the most spectacular ways possible And so, I’m pulling all of these, mobs (haha) Noooo~ I need to die! I don’t know how to actually start the fights! I’m gonna lose Heavy Thrust. Ho-how do you do this rotation?? And this healer is making it so that I cannot die.

They put a Bole on me? What the f- Do I look like I’m gonna die, that bad? I’m gonna lose Blood of the Dra- I lost Blood of the Dragon again. I don’t- Ah but that puts me back to where I was! >:( Oh no. Oh, no. I’m gonna be in this AOE. Oh no. I’m gonna. Oh no. I’m gonna be in >these< AOEs Oh no I gotta go over here now. Ooooh no What were you doing heal- How dare you?! How dare you?! This healer is trying to keep me from dying, but I know what’s my real job. You know, they think this is a joke, but I’m actually trying my hardest here to learn this job, okay? Uh, did I lose Heavy Thrust again? I did.

Oh here we go. They can’t stop me from dying here! Here we go! I’m ready! How did I- WHAT???? WHA-A-AT? EXCUSE me?? I mean, Really? That was supposed to be an awesome death! Just let me die! I’m just trying to die… Well, Blood of the Dragon! I’m losing Heavy Thrust again! Oh no, I dodged something. I’m not supposed to do that. I’m doing my job! Yaaay I’m ready. Everybody’s standing out of it, but that’s not my job. Here we go. I’m a zombie now. Yes! Oh both of dragoon are zombies! Aww, this is awesome! You know the true role of your job as well! Doom? Oh, please don’t cleanse that, do not – NOOOO I wanted it… Somebody’s gotta be the sacrifice, and it’s gonna be me.

Hey wait a minute Hey, wait, wait one second, you were dancing on my body? You know, my body, MAY be a stage But it’s not for you. It’s for me. I like this dragoon, this dragoon knows what’s up…Wait. This is a black mage. Black mage, you were supposed to ask the healers to adjust for you! Here, I’ll show you how to play dead, ready? THIS is how you play dead. You can tell by the fact that my name is actually alive. Oh, oh shit I’m actually dead. I died again. If you guys don’t start to fight, I’m gonna do it WOHOO! Oh I-I tricked you! I tricked all of you! You thought I was gonna pull, didn’t you? Well I am. You guys know this boss, don’t you? Hey, Rolla, what’s up buddy? You guys know THIS boss.

This is a- is a- very good boss, because you could die anytime you want, actually. You can jump off this side You can, you can do anything. You know what? You can actually die before the boss even starts. DANCING ON MY DEAD BODY. Why is everybody doing this to me?? Yeah, you failed to adjust. You should have given me some kind of shield or something for me to n-not jump off. I am feeling as a dragoon right now! My entire party is dead before me. What the- I’ll limit break, oh, I got you guys, I’ll limit break for you! Ohh, this is gonna be amazing! Holy crap! I’m a hero.

Oh, I got just the thing for this! Keen Flurry, we’ll be safe. See, look, zero damage. It worked. You guys thought, that Keen Flurry was useless, didn’t you? Well it’s not! Ah I forgot Heavy Thrust again! They’re killing me with /dotes. You may have been wondering, “where is the glamour part of this?” Uh, you always have to make sure that you are SPIKY. So, you got this spiky chest piece, you also got the default one, right? This is the default gear with a spiky, it’s got lots of spikes on the back actually, so this one has like, a hundred on a level of spikyness.

This one has like, a shit ton of spikes on the back and also puts your tail, – if you have one – it puts your tail into this dragon tail. I’m not quite sure how it fits in there, but it’s there. This one isn’t really that spiky, but we like it. It’s pretty cool. So I will allow that. This one however, you cannot EVER wear this. This is like anti-spiky, dragoons cannot wear this, it’s too fluffy! This it’s not good for dragoons You got to be spiky. Not only does the chest piece matter, but you weapon choice matters as well. You have to take pride in the length of your spear. Dragoons have very long and very pointy spears. And the reason for this is because they thrust a lot, you know ūüėČ They THRUST a lot.

The truth is I leveled dragoon solely for the glamour. Like, no other class can look like this. That was very important to me to be able to look like this. Oh, hey. This is a pretty cool website. It’s about Final Fantasy 14, this stuff moves when you- It’s got dragons, that’s… kind of cool. WOAH, how do I play as THAT? How do I get THIS gear? I want to wear that! So this guy is the first teacher. He teaches you lancer And he’s got nothing spiky on. He’s actually as round as you can get. And his spear isn’t even that long. So I don’t know what he’s expected to teach us. You’re doing it wrong. I am way spikier than you. You’re supposed to, NOT be round like that. And these guys are doing push-ups completely wrong. You’re supposed to stop when you’re down all the way. You actually have, like- He’s going back up! Stop that! Just, you go to the ground and you stop there! I’ll show these guys, how to do pole dancing.

This is a real move, you guys, try and do this, here here. Maybe, maybe in a few levels you can do it too, alright? Maybe someday, you can learn how to pole dance like me. Alright. I’m done here. There’s nothing else I could teach them, they’re fucking hopeless. And then we learn from this guy. Okay, this guy starts the dragoon quest and he’s not spiky either, like what the f- And he’s actually got a little bit longer of a staff there, but you have no spikes on you.

You just have to put spikes on yourself, and you’ll be much better at dragoon, I promise. Hey teacher guy, teacher guy. I have a joke for you, ready? How do dragoons win arguments? They jump straight to the point! You get it? Because they, they jump! Straight to the point! Alright, alright alright alright. I got another one for you guys, you ready? A dragoon walks into a bar and the rest of the party dodged! You get it? Because, like, he walked into the bar and then he died! And the rest of the party just dodged the bar. You get it?.

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