Malzahar Guide AD – The Slave Master – League of Legends



Hey, what’s up GG (guys and girls)? CouilleBleu’s back today to play… Here are the runes, masteries, skill distribution and items that you’ll need to gather useless slaves that will do your bidding. Before moving your lazy ass to the lane, you have the obligation of using your Double Dirty Balls skill three times because the next time you cast a spell, a powerful mini What-The-Shit monster will come out from your vagi** So you must keep three stacks by spamming your skills whenever you can to prepare for any upcoming Pokemon battle.


However, you will run out of juice fairly soon if you keep smashing your keyboard like that, so be sure to kill the one that is under the Purple Curse to keep on sucking out the mana of your victims. Now that you learned Malzahar’s way to be in labor multiple times, you can finally use your chibi slave to scratch your opponent like a boss and trust me, he’s the one that will always do all the dirty work for you because using your spells on an enemy is like throwing some peanuts at a muscle man. Good thing is, you can tell your pet who to attack by using your Purple Curse on the desired target.


Sad thing is, he’ll stop attacking him when the spell is done even if Annie’s fuck friend is on the verge of dying. That’s right! Your servant will attack that frosty bitch if she has that purple crap on her, all right. And hop! He’s backing off not because the tower is attacking him, but because the curse is gone! See? This guy doesn’t even care if he’s eating the turret’s lightning balls! A more sadder thing is, your slave will not assault an enemy if he doesn’t see him.


Dude, you’re sucking the villain’s dick right here and this dumb kid is too scared to facecheck the brush hiding a fuckabish that can’t move. Since he has no brain to judge a situation, you can send him on a kamikaze mission to destroy a building, you can tell him to pickpocket his friends while you go back home to have some fun with your wife and you can transform him into a punching bag when you (BUSTY BIEBER). If one pet isn’t enough for you, you’ll just have to spam your skills all day all night to lay more eggs on the battlefield. To get a kill during the laning phase, you must play like an AP mage, that is fingering your QWER keys on your opponent while your mini slave massage his beautiful ass. When you have some free time in your hands, you’ll prolly want to gank the other lanes and when you do, you will surely play the role of an utility bitch mage that gives blow*** to anyone in exchange for a small bag of Doritos.


Are you in trouble? Are you getting buttfucked really hard by a crazy bitch with a missile launcher? Toss a bag of chips in the air and Super Sucker will teleport near you to save the party! And now, whenever you approach your next victim by the river, she’ll be so scared of your powerful power that she’ll waste her summoner’s spell before you even do anything to her. With your Frozen Mallet and your Warmog’s, no one will be able to take down Master Malzawar when he defends the city from adversity. In teamfights, you must remember that your servants are your team. That giant dirty dog that could two shots any squishy carry can’t kill you thanks to your HP items and guess what? His pathetic movement and attack speed debuff is useless on you because your pet is the one doing all the damage.


But, you must also remember that these little What-The-Shit monsters do not have a brain, so they will just kill anyone that is under the Purple Curse instead of saving their master getting penetrated by the long ass spears from the man wearing Huggies diapers. I’ll leave you with a man that found a dog trying to hide in a brush to take a piss and as always, thanks for watching..


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