Hey guys what’s going on it’s me slipperyjim8 and this is the god based lore of Path of Exile. Wait a minute path of exile has story? Well yeah it actually has a ton of lore, It all started when some unknown lady in an unknown town had 2 kids, one she liked and one she didn’t. She fed the one she liked and groomed him well. While mostly ignoring the one she didn’t like, because of this the malnourished child (the one that she didn’t like ) grew to hate his brother, going as far as to beat him up, after beating the shit out of him the malnourished child pleaded at his brother not to tell on him which he did. So like any good mother instead of taking him aside and explaining that hitting people is not acceptable, she tied him to a stake and set him on fire.

As revenge the now ashen son sew the seeds on mis-contempt and the entire town went crazy and killed each other. That’s the beginning of the gods known and Innocence and Sin. I wonder who was who in that story. What about the other gods you say? Tukohama was teaching farmers that rice grows better in blood than water. Ngamahu was playing with matches Valako was running around in a storm holding a golf club. Tasalio fell in a lake Hinekora played with dead people Tawhoa got lost in a forest Ramako got a tan Arohongui ate cheese and Kitava ruined a perfectly good fishing trip.

What? You think Kitava has more lore? Well he does but it’s mostly just him being hungry and eating stuff. He went on a fishing trip and ate the lake, other gods didn’t like that, he got invited to a party and he ate all the food too early, other gods didn’t like that, the took him fishing again, he ate the bait, other gods didn’t like that. So they caught him, tied him to a rock and threw him in the ocean, he ate the fish, other gods didn’t like that, so they captured him and staved him, they scared an X on his face, wanna know how he got those scars? Tukohama. Ripped his own tooth out and gave him those scars with it. Solaris and Lunaris are both mothers who to, who knows, maybe it’s a metaphor.

Maybe we are all their children which kinda sucks if you’ve played all the acts. Oh, reading into this whole lore thing, it seems the moon’s son, don’t let this confuse you the male offspring of the moon got sick and so she pity killed him, their tribe didn’t like it but solaris defended her. Then some mother fucker named Tangmazu tricked them into hating eachother. They fought daily, probably makes sense the sun wins then the moon. Damn there is a lot of gods in this world. Prospero the god of found trinkets, that’s my kind of god, also the god of lost souls, that’s not so much my kind of god.

Basically the god of if it’s buried under ground and it’s valuable it’s in his shit. Cadiro worships Prospero, Prospero being a god of the Azmerians or the people before. Ryslatha the queen of tower defence, had a bunch of kids that tukohama turned dead. Naturally she went crazy her kids can’t be killed again if everyone is her kid. And when everyone’s super, no-one is. Tsoagoth also known as mr krabs. Snap snapington and oh god did he just eat my wifu. All these beasties used to be peopl. Tsoagoth is no different he was chief of a fishing tribe, he was trying to create a sucessor but he kept trying to do it with fish women and kept having the offspring not come out normal for some reason. From the look of the lore, he was a man, then a meirman then it gets a bit blurry then a giant fucking crab. Then there is the first ones, you know the ones who always write first in youtube comments.The first ones are forever they’re horse riding immortal fucktards who stalk the earth and make us thier prey, They are everywhere and nowhere they live where they can and strike when they must, they are docile and deadly, they flee and fight, they run and charge, really I should stop getting these descriptions from talismins there is a lot of different information about the first ones.

It doesnt seem ver reliable. Shout out to the great wolf and the mother gull, while the wolf teaches us how to fight the gull teaches us not to eat any food she shares cus that shit will fuck you up. Then there is the Maraketh gods, yeah not just a once off challange every few leagues. Garukhan queen of the wind, or wind, she played in the sky sought knowledge in the harsh winds, she had a sword, the storm blade which she lost on the ground in a desert whilst battling an undead army. shakari, not always something bear grylls would eat for dinner she is the daughter of sin, daughter of the queen of the skies and wind, loved by all until she like every other god, fell from Grace, seduced by a beast. We’re getting closer to the end of god hour weekly, coming up now, vaal God’s who were they, what did they do and why you should keep your kids away from them. Ralekesh like controlling people although like my tamgochi he forgets to look after them and unlike my tamogochi he enslaves other people to make up for the fact that he killed his tamagochi, if Ralekesh was ever tempted by a beast it would be a turtle.

Yugul my arch nemesis I don’t get along with anything grasshopper-like yugul was a straight up twisted human, he spent his time and I quote “Scaring the living shite out of Vaal toddlers” He basically scared children then took photos of them being terrified and wallpaperd his house with them. Arakaali also known as an average house spider in Australia tempted Sin, the god not the made up thing priest try to scare you into being good. Anyway sin got trapped in a web of sorts, and did the dirty with the 8 legged beastie before he realised he was trapped, he couldn’t escape and indeed stayed there until arakaali’s fanclub overthrew her and locked her in her palace.

She’s basically a siren of the sea, except that shes a spider in a hole. That wraps up the vaal gods, geddit? Wraps, Spiders.. Uhm Gruthkul’s a female, well you learn something new every day. The Vaal killed her kids, she got sad, her possy turned the sadness into madness got killed for it and now we’ve got a weeping she-bear to show for it. Abberath burnt animals it started with goats, kind of ironic his cruelty became his curse, immortal and bored he took a princess from a nearby tribe, and had some rather unpleasant children, that’s how the goat men were born. Not much is known about the goddess of justice, as you can tell by now this isn’t a very happy history.

There’s plenty of information about the corrupted gods but the good ones kinda just up and left. The last god worth talking about is the beast, Malachi also known as the boss fight from borderlands 1, Malachi is the gatekeeper raised by sin to watch over the lands and protect people from the true baddies, then we up and slayed him for shits and giggles. He didn’t want to destroy, he simply wanted to exist, we went into his home and killed him. He was created to save us and we betrayed him. He only defended himself, we could have been friends. Well that’s the end of the god discussion to be honest I got 2000 years into the story based lore and I’m tired and I want to sleep so Instead of learning about how much of a dick Chitus was lets wrap it up here. If any psychopaths want to help me write a poe explain like Im 5 please do. I can’t handle this much reading on my own. Shout out to justathetan on reddit, okay, bye..

As found on Youtube