Garbage Guide To Warcraft: Battle For Azeroth


The Battle for Azeroth has like, no battling for Azeroth. I think the whole thing is just a cover up …for this obvious love affair. That boy is into that sugar. Last time we saw Killian two years ago Illidan made him leader of demon hunters. He immediately emptied all their bank accounts and left. Then lost it all. 10 hours later. To a goblin poncey scheme. Since then, he’s been fishing, for two years. Did anything important happen in that time? …probably not. Today he’s got an invite from Sylvanas… …the leader of the Horde. She wants help leading our armies to kill some forest people. (she’s putting a lot of confidence into a DH she only met twice) We’re here! They’ve got soldiers, and siege weapons, what’ you want me to do? …kill bears? Oh.

Now I get it. She brought me along as a joke. Supposed to meet her on this beach and look at the big tree. Ah, the world tree. So nice, so full of civilians, living their peaceful lives… Sylvanas: BURN IT! Ok. I guess I’m a war criminal now? Thank you, Sylvanas. Let’s get back to fishing. Wait, they’re already invading us? We blew up their tree ten minutes ago, how did they travel so fast? Using red dots! U guys fight, Imma stand back… … and cheer with Saurfang. No, I can’t be a coward! I have to join my comrades, on the field of battle. … or maybe not xD I’m not even a member of the Horde! I’ve never signed up! Catapults. Awesome, Sylvanas just won the battle Sadam Hussein style. Sure I’ll spray them with chemical weapons. Already broken the Geneva conventions once today. Can’t double break it. This battle was easy. There’s no way the can wi- [pew pew pew] Saurfang got captured, now three WoW characters are trying to arrest Warcraft 3 character Look at Jaina’s face! Why am I with thos MMO’s guys, eww! Shocker, the chick on the cover didn’t die before the expac was released.

This… could have gone worse? Ok, now back to the fishin’- Champion! Come to Silithus! How did ya get this number?! Silithus is a desert that should be riiight up What the F is that?! When did this happen? I would have noticed! OK. I’ve had enough. The shining dwarf says the planet is talking to me and wants to give me a present. Ugh. Crystal dwarf, you seem to have smoked some of your own crystal. I’m outta here. Third time’s a charm! No, didn’t think so. Killian, you’re going to the human capital. It’s not, not a suicide mission.

I’m getting 58 gold to sneak in and help some prisoners. Saurfang is also here, but he doesn’t wanna leave, cause this war isn’t “My Honour” enough Screw yoou, we won 1,5 battles Our moral compass is broken, we can now do whatever we want. Let’s free these prisoners! Two trolls. I need to tell Sylvanas. We already had millions of those. Ah, she’s a princess of a troll empire. Neat! Let’s get out of here. Which was not a problem, cause the escape’s not perfectly optimised for DH Let’s have a nice trip to a troll empire – aaah we’re gonna die! Here we’re introduced to troll Loa.

Gods that actually help. The Loa of Kings sprays wind at us – so is he also like Loa of wind, or? The threw me of the boat. Damn, that might have been like 30% of the Alliance fleet. I swam to land. Time to meet the King. Hello, I’m here on behalf of the warchief Sylvanas, I don’t really like. Short regal, I consider you more of champion WIndrunner.

I will decide what to do with this outsider. You seek our fleets might against the Alliance Personally, I don’t really care, I’m not actually a member of the Horde Let us see if the Hord- //K: I’m the leader the Illidari, demonhunters.. //R: I name you The speaker of the horde! //K: Wtf Still, we were greeted nicely. I wonder how the Alliance is doing. The troll empire just wiped out 80% of our fleet. We’re all gonna die! Jaina suggest they ask the Kul Tirans to join the Alliance. The people she brutally betrayed.

So the’re off to say sooorry, with a gift bag with all kinds cheeses They have to walk through the capital, with people booing and spitting at them Jaina, you’re the most powerful archmage in the world. Fry these fools! I accept your judgement. As for the Alliance operations usually goes this is a solid 8/10. The main character Niliak (was gonna spell Killian in reverse but failed miserably) – he gets rescued by a fun character. Something the Horde is missing But the Horde gets to live in the pallace, while the Alliance gets to live in the basement, where people are not afraid to do their bussiness indoors. After the introductions we get introduction – to the new zones. Alliance missions are: We’re having some crime problems. Our shipmakers want privacy and our eastern friends havent send us a letter in a while.

For troll missions are: On Zuldazar we have traitors and they want to kill us all Up to north, we have Blood trolls and they want to kill us all In the desert we have this guy – what do you think he wants to do? And thus, The expansion actually starts! I told Sylvanas I would help them so the first thing I’m asked to do is to perform a hit. Ok, seems like something you would ask of a diplomat Second task is to investigate this bloody weird temple Oh, apparently it’s been infiltrated by blood cultists.

Now they want me to murder the cult members -WHAT? Or we can help them to escape the cult you psychos! Ohoho the blood magic is ancient! Soon we will rule Zuldazar! //K: Kid, it’s not your fault T: Don’t do this to me, mum K: It’s not your fault// I slayed the blood cult. With love! My reward is that I get to pick between two approved cults Jump of the cliff to prove my loyalty.

Oh, it’s one of these suicide cults. Third task: Make the port safer… by killing 15 thugs. What’s wrong with you? Do you guys not have a court? I’m gonna take a break, I’m going to safari. The second I left, there was a coup. What a surprise, the guy who killed any problem has a loyalty problem. //But was the safari fun, Killian?// I got malaria. Undead shouldn’t plan missions to tropical islands. The plotters wanted to worship a blood god, but the King made it punishable by death. Like everything. Yea, this coup was for freedom of religion. Also the female conspirator wanted to do something freaky in this basement. Nah, this is too freaky. Now she’s a spider troll. Fuck! I forgott to tell her about the great power and responsibility She’s gonna be evil now! Let’s also check on the dying king.

I see. He’s still dying. You want me to pray to god for his recovery… Oh, you literally want me to ask god for his recovery We asked the Loa of the Kings (and air I guess) to save the King – and now our dinosaur is debating with death. Am I still in bed. Is this a malaria fever dream? He’s alive! Final battle for the jungle, we got like five Loa’s on our side and they have a spiderwoman There’s no way – we surrender, glory to the Blood God! Only one thing can defeat them now – Blizzard group finder.

That’s 50% of the coup dead. Pro tip kids: Never overthrow a government with only two people. Flynn believes Ursula is making weapons of mass destruction. So we have to go to her factory and yes – she isn’t even trying to hide it using Azerite, one of those sci-fi megafuels that can make anything similar to potatoes. Apparently Ursula is gonna ship the bombs to pirates, so we sneak on the ship, but it crashes when the crew gets distracted by sirens also known as sea thots Flynn has to be rescued, then gets drunk.

Likeable and relatable. they made it to Freehold: pirate city. They need proof .

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