Garbage Guide To World Of Warcraft Legion


In Warcraft Legion, Azeroth is being invaded by the Demon army the burning legion, but no one cares! They added crispy bacon to Warcraft. the demons will die from heart disease Warcratf’s newest class is the Demon hunter who are they in Warcraft lore? They are Italian night-elves that roleplay Demon hunters. Then they became real Demon hunters after- Wishing upon a star. In this guide, I shall roleplay as one! Most of you probably don’t care about character creation, but it’s actually very, very Important, for example tattoos, what if we don’t like our Demonhunter job? Then we don’t want our tattoos to show during a job interview. Second important decision; do we want horns for defense, or to attract potential mates? Name.. I could use a demonic name like “Dhraxta Z?r”, “Ak’azora”, Or I can pick something realistic, like?uh…

Kevin. Nahh, I’ll name him off my favorite YouTuber.. This is Illidan. One day, he saw this thing and decided to eat it. Then he turned into this. We, the Demonhunters work for him. We get one week vacation, and to get a job, we had to relocate to another planet; but it feels like we’re doing a difference. Did they start normally there was a team-building exercise? But then during our lunch break, ehhh Our office building got attacked by an army and now we are forced to invade the Demon Homeworld. Our mission is to find a green rock, which is going to be hard because everything is green.

Here, you learn all the Demonhunter abilities! ‘Should probably have learned them before invading a place full of mighty demons, But this is what happens when you lie on your resume. Yes, I do know Excel! A spider-bat loudly declared that she had the green stone in her pocket. Kind of stupid of her but see good for us. Time to return! Ah shit, they captured Illidan. I’m innocent though. Highest work in Elf resources. I’m sorry. How is that racist? Let me expl- -ain Where am I? Whoa ma’am, ma’am calm down! Oh, okay? Okay. It’s 2016, Everything is different and worst of all I miss the premiere of High School Musical 2! We are in a prison that is being attacked by a demon named “Ballsacks” and the cops want us to help them fight. Not my problem! I’m leaving. I think the burning legion just kidnapped my boss. He signs my paychecks and like that it became my problem. ‘Demonhunters find the one named Archmage’ Noooooooo.. So we kill Ballsacks and leave the prison and outside we find… Uuuggghhh Apparently he can’t defeat the legion without us.

That’s really great, Khadgar. Just one thing, the legion is a legion right? Well if you haven’t noticed we are 24 people Wow Khadgar! You’re a pretty shit mathematician! He teleports me to Orgrimmar and tells me to go to this building to join the horde. Uhhh, Hi, Khadgar says I was supposed to go here to sign up with the horde OK, starting to feel like I walked in on something. Can, can someone just hand me like a form or, okay. Now we’re at a funeral, but I didn’t know the guy so I doubt he left me anything This is Sylvanas She used to be the queen of good Skeletons But now she’s also the queen of green people and cows.

Very expansive and complex universe… Khadgar informs us that the city of Dollaron IS UNDER ATTACK!! But when you get there, the wizard teleports the city. Why did I have to be here? You’re a big boy Khadgar. And all the cool elves have ancient artifacts which prefer swords made with modern technology and not brown broken pillows and feel like they belong in a museum, but whatever! Demonhunters also get a new base.

This place is not a good working environment It’s crowded and it doesn’t even have a ping-pong table. The demons are storming out of the tomb of Sargeras and to seal it we need the five pillars of creation Powerful relics that fell out of some god’s toolbox. Then Khadgar can use those relics to fail to close the portal? First travel to Stormheim which is old Norse and translates to badger urine.. Our first target is the Aegis of Aggramar. An aegis usually refers to a shield but in this case It’s a ballistic missile system.

On our way, we get attacked by the alliance How is the alliance still a thing? All the ships got destroyed though and Sylvanas is gone so we have to find her. Actually, no; she’ll be fine Not like Wolfsatyr because they wouldn’t touch rotten meat. To get the relic We have to pass three ancient trials. First the Trial of Might. Let this guy fight this boss. Yeah, someone else proved my might. Trial of Will. Ride dragons. To ride dragons, You can do the quest chain, but I don’t have the will. You can pay for it But it’s an overpriced tourist trap so I pray to the gods and they sent down the holy, divine twenty percent coupon.

Still expensive. Trial of Valour become popular with the ghost kids A guy named Skovald is doing the trials for the legion. The problem is that he is way more worthy than me. Look at him! And that’s when I understood the final trial I don’t have to change to make the ghosts like me. I just have to be myself Trials finished. Now to enter the Hall of Valor, a dungeon full of this off-brand store version gods like Fenryr Kill Skovald, then fight Odyn to prove our valor our heroic courage.

That we don’t actually have hitting Odyn from behind. So only the tank got the Aegis of Aggramar I only got this picture of our time together. Whatever happened to Sylvanas, I don’t know enough about wolves Now we are off to Highmountain, which is a weird name – considering Stormheim had higher mountains. The relic we are looking for is the hammer of, ehh. No, it’s a hammer. They don’t have names. 10,000 years ago demons invaded this place and a chief named Huln Use a hammer to build a kick-ass treehouse.

Then he put up a no demons allowed sign. They won the war. Cow people guarded it all this time, But then one day, Dargrul the Underking stole it as a social experiment. But he doesn’t realize that. It’s not a warhammer It’s a hammer for carpentry. Maybe won’t be able to kill cow people, but he could build a co(w)uch.

[pun intended] I promised the cow people that I will take it back, so let’s kick his as- WHAT THE FUCK HAS HAPPENED!? WHAT THE FUCK!? The following quests are to unite the tribes. One of the cows was actually a dragon and Oh, wait that actually happened? Or am I hallucinating from mad cow disease? I, I really need to leave this place right now, but someone needs to stand up to the Underking But someone else needs to stand up to the Underking Val’sharah is an artificial forest made to look like the emerald dream of popular a Nightelf tourist destination. Kind of like a.. Warcraft Epcot. This tour guide takes us to meet Cenarius, the owner of the theme park.

Wasn’t he killed? Why doesn’t anyone in this universe stay dead? The theme park owner refuses to wake up. Demonic corruption or a bad hangover The druids will know so we gather all the druids and instead of brewing some coffee or something, they… summon a dragon? I don’t think Nightelves know how sleep works. Also: Is this a good idea? If they could corrupt that guy, why wouldn’t they corrupt- What did I tell you? What did I fucking tell you.

The demons also kidnapped our tour guide… Why am I starting to feel like I’m soloing the entire burning legion here. Is this the real reason you all unfroze us? To outsource your problems? Bloody dragons, it’s not like it’s going to die anyways. Oh, the dragon actually died. I don’t believe you. Our final mission is to enter the nightmare and rescue our tour guide. Nightmare as in bad dream. How does this work? Aren’t dreams just consequences of R.E.M. sleep? So.. And they threw me out, and I am not allowed to return. They didn’t even give me a relic. I hate Nightelves! When you saw it on the map you probably thought: “Oh, a cool jungle location!” No! It’s a fucking swamp, and now it’s being invaded by the legion and fish. How demons and tuna became allies I don’t want to know. We meet up with the D.H.

Boys and get informed as if we don’t start going back to work We will be fired! Find Demonhunters that might have joined the legion to gain infinite power. Wait! We- we can join the legion and gain infinite power. What the fuck? Then, Why am I with these guys!? They put horns on houses! On Azsuna, we meet a Nightborn, a PC term for Nightelf mana addicts They say their mana abuse can’t be treated But the truth is, Nightelves think that a giant inanimate rock is responsible for quite literally everything so they aren’t going to care about psychology. A lazy dragon tells us that we seek the Tidestone and the ghost prince will show us where it is. As we walk with the prince, people say mean things to him. Oh God, we’re in an anti-bullying ad, aren’t we? Apparently he did something bad now everyone hates him because someone made an exposed video. The tide stone is in a Wizard school.

A Wizard school, Khadgar! Do we know anyone that could use a wizard school? But when we get to tide stone these guys freeze us… Something I’m getting kind of used to but the prince rescues us. He tells us the most bullshit story ever about our rescue But everyone believes him and now wants to be his friend Stop bullying or this shit will happen! Wait a minute, the relic! Whatever happened to the tide stone. So I never got any of the relics. But after leveling the newest warcraft skill, I could make them in paper-mach?.

Not like anyone’s gonna notice! When we reach level 110, a ball appears. Then the ball becomes a star wars reference. Apparently Khadgar is her only hope. Better buy a grave spot! Now it’s my job to save her! Why me every single fucking time… There she is! After she’s secure, she tells us the story of her people! Everything was great. Then the legion showed up, and they weren’t sending their best, so we built a wall The world locked out the sun and the moon.

Then we drank some water and it changed us. Then- I’m going to stop you right there! You blocked out the sun. Have you considered that you changed because of Vitamin D deficiency? It would probably be your first thought if the nightelves weren’t braindead. Now she’s leading a rebellion and wants us to help her with her terrorism. Though the local population supports the legion! But we need to intervene to stop it spread. So we kill some innocent people, assassinate some leaders.. You might be critical of our methods, but listen to archmage McCarthy. No, wait. Oh God, I’m the central intelligence agency. I quit. Bye forever Khadgar. Illidan had a message for me So there’s little time, listen closely, bla bla bla, the Demonhunters are now yours Kilian Experience What?? I’m the least worthy person ever and you would realise that if you had a brain! And that’s when it hit me “I don’t think nightelves know how sleep works. They aren’t going to care about psychology. It would probably be your first thought if the nightelves weren’t braindead.” Nightelves do not have brains…

Literally… Explains how they can live so long. When you die, your brain dies But if you don’t have a brain, you can’t die. When you get a bruise your skin becomes purple. Then the brain tells the skin not to be purple. But if you don’t have a brain… I have a Master’s in Biology. You know what, though? Fuck all of Azeroth. I hope the burning legion turns it into toast. Sigh. I doo feel bad about killing that dragon though. -Are you Kilian Experience? -Ehhhm, yeah? -I got a letter for you. -A letter? ‘Dear Kilian. I’m alive and well. I’ve been living happily these past eight months in the year 1885.’ -Your friend in time, the dragon 1885!? The Dragon’s alive!! She’s in the Old West and in another universe? Actually, it would probably be better if she was dead.

And that is the Kilian Experience.

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